St. Louis Wedding and Portraiture Photography - Pinxit

Albert Pujols
Originally uploaded by frnch.

I just thought this could make somebody’s day. His thighs are a bit small since his injury but hey….

Okay. Friday. Was. A. Bad. BAD. Day. Apparently Cammy’s upset stomach was a little more than an upset stomach last week, Jerry’s too mind you. Those two don’t really give you a good gauge on my tummy hurts. Apparently they have been passing around the stomach flu like business cards and it hit me on Thursday night, and all day Friday. The weekend of my wedding anniversary. Seriously. So I was regurgitating all of all day Friday. Left work after forty five minutes of being face planted in our disgusting bathrooms. I decided that I would simply have to take the attendance hit for this one. And my loving wonder husband came like a knight on shining champagne colored Trailblazer to swoop me home. Then my weekend takes a turn for the pretty bad.
Remember all that stuff I told you guys about how I was all for helping the people in my house and doing what ever I could etc, and I couldn’t think of the situation that would test my friendship?
Remember that?
Well. I found it. Lets talk hypotheticals shall we?
You got a friend who you let stay with you cause you were really, really concerned about her health, she needed surgery. You were like you have to have the surgery and the ONLY way you could talk her into having the surgery was to be like I’ll let you recoup on my futon until you get better. Your doctor tells her, six weeks, then she can go back to work. She plans on making enough money to pay her deposit on her apartment, and a down payment on her car and move on once she has gotten cleared to go back to work. She helps with the groceries during the six week stretch that she’s out, she worked hella overtime before the surgery you assume shes got a plan, you don’t ask what the plan is. She is a grown ass woman she ought to have a plan. You two talked at length over the last six months about resolving certain issues that would be a hindrance if not resolved, you simply assume she resolved them. So shes been cleared around week four to move around and go out and about, so you start helping her get the car hunt going. You are making the calls, and you find out that those things that you thought she fixed that she said she fixed, she simply didn’t.
No problem at least not your problem, she simply will have to spend more on interest etc than she originally thought. But with those issues the money she saved for her down isn’t enough. People are still working but now she starts work on Monday and doesn’t have a car.

This was never part of the plan.

But you are friends so you get your husband to take turns – mostly his turn – to go pick her up a good thirty to forty five minute drive daily at eleven o’clock at night. You drop her off in the morning on your way – Still out of the way mind you – where ever she so decides she wants to go. You gas expenses double. You are putting TWICE the miles on your car than you expect. Your husband is always tired, yet the gentlemen and won’t let you go unless he is unbearably tired. He doesn’t walk the dog in the morning, cause he’s too tired. He can’t relax cause he knows he’s gotta get up and go. Then she volunteers for this movie project. Which is cool, but you warn her – she can’t afford to financially contribute, she says I know, I won’t. You leave it at that. She’s still working you are still driving her, but you have to call her everyday and tell her to call people, she doesn’t seem to be moving on her own. That is annoying. Close to four weeks has gone by.
This took me until this morning to be able to talk about this with out getting really, really heated. So, somebody finally finds this girl a car. So she calls me to tell me she’s short on the money she needs to put down on the car. The guy is asking for a grand down.
Q. how could you be short when before you started back to work at the end of May you had $700, and you’ve been working for damn close to a month, been paid at least twice and possibly due again this week. And you’ve been working overtime at every given opportunity.
A. Well, she tells you. Some people needed some help.

Excuse me? Some people needed some help? From you, the homeless person with out a car? You don’t have any more money than you did when you started cause some “people needed some help?”

Tell me how you would respond?

I swear it took all of my self control not to put her out right then. My house is flipped over backwards, but somebody needed more help than you need to get your shit together. My husband is tired, our relationship is not regular. But you get to decide we can take more? I really need you to be able to go live with those people who needed your help so bad. You can’t get a ride, nobody else is helping you but you gotta help everybody who asks you? I need some of those people who needed your help you pick you up from work. If she had been really thinking about being my friend she would have been trying to get up and on her feet. I am not willing to help everyone she deems worthy. Remember that movie project she said she knew she couldn’t afford to help with , apparently she forgot before she hung up, or just flat lied to my face, cause she and i quote,”spent more than she was supposed to on that..” more than you were supposed to? you wen’t suuposed to spend anything on that until you didn’t live with me. Grandmother needs help, go back to vegas and live with her and help her for real. Cause this is not what I signed up for. I have my hands full helping her, so for her to decided that I can continue to help her for longer than absolutely necessary really, really gets my goat.
I feel used and taken advantage of. As if I was simply convenient, the next logical step on who she could get the most out of. And like everything she said to me really meant shit. Now the time frame has shrunken, I am no longer willing to put my husband or family in any state of discomfort to accommodate you. I will keep my word but now, I need you to get an apartment yesterday. She is so far down my shit list she’s probably decomposing by now.
And I don’t know why I’m surprised. It happens every time. Last time it was the rental car thing, 2300.00. Every time I call someone a friend, they push and push and push until I break.

I must have sucker stamped on my forehead.

Most of you know I love to cook. I did a luncheon for my mom over the weekend, that went pretty well. I got a meat tenderizing mallet – AWESOME piece of metal. Then got Jerry’s father’s day gift, a charcoal grill, he was surprised. I was pleased he was surprised. He’s been jonesing for one for a little while. It was a group gift from all the people who live in his house. It was the least we could all do. He’s been such a trooper while all of these homeless people have invaded. Now we gotta get him a new gas grill and he’ll be good to go.
I’m a daddy’s girl. I may have mentioned that at some point. My parents are separated, and that was a difficult thing for me to come to terms with, understand and be okay with. My parents starting having issues the year I went away to college, or at least that’s when things got apparent to us kids that is wasn’t just parents being parents and arguing. It may have been apparent before then, but it became they aren’t gonna work it out that year.  They have been living separately for several years, and are moving forward and filing for divorce. I mention this because my dad is now and has been dating this new woman for almost as long as I’ve been with J. And he apparently much to my surprise is contemplating re-marrying. How ever vaguely, he is entertaining the idea. And I don’t know how I quite feel about that. The girlfriend is okay. Kinda of artificially happy – ALL THE TIME – but she is okay. She seems less than sincere sometimes, and I never really thought she was the one for him. She seemed safe. Accommodating. Not at all challenging. The air doesn’t crackle around them, like it did around my parents. Not that she should be my mom, but shouldn’t the new love be as strong if not stronger than the old one? But who am I to say its not. Its is certainly different. Jerry makes my skin feel like I have sparklers in my finger tips, and I want that for both of my parents especially if they can’t have it together. I sincerely pray that the new loves they find totally eclipse what they used to have. But I’m a daddy’s girl so I am prepared to default to his opinion on that one. He first mentioned it, remarriage, in passing, months ago and I thought he was totally kidding. Apparently not quite. And now I can understand all the articles I’ve read about how kids of divorce respond to the parents remarrying. Because I have caught my self thinking, wondering why they (my parents) couldn’t make it work. Watching my husband sleep and wondering what he would have to do for me to simply say this is too much. When would my family stop being enough, and I need to start a new one? Watch my sister and brother walk in their respective relationships and wonder how it would be different for us all if my parents had said “our vows are worth saving. It has not been easy, and it won’t be everyday from here on, but we are in this forever.” I do wonder.
My dad is moving eventually. He has said he will have my mom sell his home sometime next year. I gotta get a head start on dibs on his furniture. I’ve already put in a request for the sectional and the big screen (fat chance on the big screen I know.)  He’s moving in with his mom, eventually. And he can’t possibly take two couches, a dining room table, kitchen table, ect to his moms house. Which I think is a good idea, and if I could buy his house and transplant it to the city, I would.  But I don’t know how I really feel about leaving the city. Over at Mamalogues I just spent a few posts and comments, not even a full week ago, mind you, going on about how much I love the city, and I do. I really do. I never expected to enjoy city living as much as I do. But for my family, I don’t know that not going to the county would be the absolute best thing for us. My kid and my dog like yard space. They do. I could have the best of both worlds and purchase near my mom, but I don’t know that I can afford to live in the nine bedroom “mansions” that surround my moms home, and produce ATROCIOUS heating and cooling bills.  Those homes gas bills are as much as my current mortgage. Not kidding.
It was great to hang out with my dad for fathers day. I never get to see him much any more. He spends a lot of time with his girlfriend, and his mom and I spend all of my time with my husband and child, we kind of exist on phone calls and spot stops, to pick up mail at his house, or to stop by and spray, (he’s a part time exterminator) or teach Jerry how to fix (insert house hold item here). He sees my sister more often since she lives in the county less than ten minutes from his current home. My home is a forty five minute drive, once you are out there you try and see as MANY people as you can, so you don’t have to make that trip like a zillion times on $3 gallons of gas. So we shall see.

I found this and thought it was cool so I’m doing it. You can do it too, I’m gonna post my list in the side bar for updating and stuff. If you do it let me see your list – I’d love to know what you really want to do!
The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as new year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.
2. Stay Focussed. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.
3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.
4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.
5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.

1. Start an herb garden
2. Paint on canvas
3. Buy a digital SLR camera
4. Visit another country
5. Redesign blaquepen website or build photography website
6. Biek ride at least twice a week
7. Take an actual yoga class
8. Furnish our home
9. Start saving money for retirement again
10. Make a book i.e. hand bind my poetry
11. write letters to friends
12. get a passport
13. Make attending soulard market a part of my regular routine
14. Make a substantial dent in our family debt
15. Enter a photography contest
16. Write a short story (and complete it!)
17. Weight around 180 lbs
18. Eat at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.
19. Try 10 new restaurants
20. try a round of golf
21. Buy that original piece of art that I loved in Memphis if still avalible
22. Go camping
23. play poker in Vegas
24. Get plant for the house
25. go camping
26. Ride my bike to work for thirty days
27. purchase 25 CD’s or LP’s
28. buy a record player
29. Throw a theme party
30. Get the dog back into training
31. go to the movies 10 times
32. clean my credit,
33. go to the dentist
34. but a light kit for my photography
35. purchase lawn care equipment and use it
36. paint most of the house over
37. scrapbook 1 page a day for thirty days
38. have another baby
39. turn off t.v twice a week and spend all that time with Cammy
40. Get a bonsai tree
41. have a game night
42. write a new PERFORMANCE POEM AND PERFORM IT
43. work on a job I could enjoy
44. go to Hawaii
45. teach Cammy to ride a bike
46. stop biting my nails
47. Read three books I would have never picked up
48. organize the bookshelves in the dining room
49. Remove the wall paper from the bathroom walls
50. get the kitchen cabinets fixed
51. finish the back hallway painting
52. make five new local real life mom friends
53. make sure jerry has more time to write
54. become less of a techno geek
55. get a new computer
56. get a new TV
57. make a firm decision on house renovations
58. go horse back riding
59. be more patient
60. do a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle
61. use the chocolate fountain at least three times
62. draft a legal will
63. take inventory for insurance purposes
64. Sort the mail as it arrives, rather than let it accumulate into a huge pile
65. Go on a dress-up date with Jerry
66. go paintball fight
67. water balloon fight
68. document Grandma Vorece’s memories
69. have a pool party at my house
70. do a newborn photo shoot
71. hang out all night like I’m still in college
72. make homemade ice cream
73. buy a black cocktail dress and heels
74. cook one recipe for each cook book in my house
75. go to the batting cages
76. make sushi at home
77. see someone who I would normally only see at a poetry reading outside of a poetry reading
78. meet 13 and the say it ain’t lucky in person
79. meet Gretchen (Sarah’s sister) in person
80. potty train Cammy
81. binky break Cammy
82. Get Cammy into New city school
83. Go to the new Stadium for a game
84. release my poetry CD
85. learn the words to Rock the Kasbah
86. take boxing/sparring lessons
87. make my bed everyday
88. pray for at least a half hour daily – longer if necessary
89. go to church at least twice a month
90. finish learning how to knit
91. get wireless headphones and ergonomic keyboard for work
92. build kitchen kit for culinary class
93. spend more time with my mom
94. spend more time with my dad
95. sit with my husband and talk more often
96. take dancing lessons with Jerry
97. take a rail America trip
98. have dinner at a Missouri winery
99. be happier
100. buy myself an outfit I wouldn’t normally wear
101. ride a roller coaster with Jerry

There is this poet whom I really, really love, Her name is Bassey Ikpi. She’s great but kinda like Sade, you can’t read or listen to too much cause if you’re not careful you’ll commit suicide. Exactly. She made this mention in her journal and I love it so much I sent her a friend request via her myspace, despite the fact that I haven’t left a comment on her actual journal in months. Any way here is the quote:

if you need a song, then you don’t have a poem. That would probably be your first problem. So I probably won’t be going to very many open mics. – Bassey

man do you know how much I am feeling that?!?! Do you know I had to stop going to open mics? They were killing me, I had stopped respecting the mic – I had to stop going.
I miss writing poetry. I haven’t just written in a long while. My only communion with other poets has only come via blogs and websites ect. I miss sitting in a room with people who are better writers than me and soaking up everything they have to give. I am sad to say I believe I am one of the best writers in the St Louis spoken word scene, and that totally sucks because – dude I’m really only like okay. Do you know how much that sucks to not have inspiration from other writers? And then I’m not depressed, so that means I have less ammo to fire with, and I love my husband but he’s not cheating and I’m not hurting and its not that kind of drama filled relationship so –dang it- I don’t have that whole pool of  hurt and self loathing to pull from. Its like a Mary J bilge album, you know they are better when Mary is hurting. When KC left her ass that album was off the banger. Happy Mary? That joint is just gonna be okay.

Any who – anybody else sick of the myth that pregnancy is only nine months long , 40 weeks is TEN count’em 10 months , so how ev’ry body keep getting nine months out of that?

This week I got my new drivers license with my married name on it. Got our marriage certificate too, couldn’t get one with out the other. My husbands chest got all puffed out when I showed him the new plastic card that now identifies me as his wife. That’s a lot ot give up your name. As if in marrying you become a different person. I wonder if I am different than I would be if I had not married? Men’s names don’t change – are they expected to stay the same?

I don’t like cough drops.

I should have taken Cammy out to the park today, I didn’t. I lost mom points on that one. We’ll go outside tomorrow.

I need ink for the printer.

The guy at the bike shop laughed when I told him I was looking for a bike trailer for my kid so I could finish my suburban mom transformation. I remember when I was cool, then I gave birth and its like I forgot to check my cool out of the hospital. Now I’m mom. I’m the kid of mom who goes to kiddie gym, and need a bike trailer, and goes to interview school, and I could go on but its boring.

I’m rambling now and this is getting long, so I’m gonna post it.