So I’ve been making tons of changes, we’ve been making tons of changes. Jerry and I.
I gave my notice at my job, so I turn full time photog on Sept 17th 2009..
Yeah. I am STOKED, and a little scared, but it is time. My kids suffer when I work two jobs, my clients suffer cause my turn arounds are longer than I would like. My husband suffers cause I can’t do the things and soo much falls to him. I suffer cause I am stressed about all the afore mentioned situations. Its not okay.
And on a greater level, My great-grandmother is sick. My grandmother has been caring for her, while watching Bri, and its becoming too much. Cammy found her unconcious a few weeks back and that shook me up a little bit. Lets go back a bit further – Jerrys mom’s passing Shook me up A LOT a bit. Jerrys mom came into our life like 3 or four years ago. I don’t think that when she did she thought she would not be here this soon, we certinaly didn’t. She and I talked alot about her regrets. Things she wish she had done, how she wanted to move forward, she would talk to me and we would always come to a reflective place. I am full of opinions – my mother will tell you so, and I always gave her my honest opinion. She took the good with the bad, we vibed well she and I. I miss her somedays. I say this because when ever I meet anyone I try and find the things we have in common to bridge us into a comradery even for just a minute and I did not want to look back on this time and have any more regrets than the ones I already replay in my mind.
That in additional to my great grans illness and my need to try and lift some of the burden for my grandmother, sort of made this a no brainer. The good thing is Bri is ready for school – well day care, and we’ve found one that will work for now, we’ll do a part time week I’ll get to spend more time with her and be the mom I really want to be & I’ll get to work as well.
I am confident this is the right move.
It doesn’t mean I am not nervous, but I am not worried really – more ready to jump in and get it going. I have faith that everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to. My success is reallyjust a matter of me doing the things I know I need to do do be sucessful, and I am not afraid to bust my butt to get where I want to be. I don’t pretend that this means no more late nights infront of the TV, quite the contrary as my friend Jody has proven – more time just means more work. but I am ready for that.
Saying this out loud is sort of like looking off the edge of a 20 story building and getting ready to walk a tight rope to the next building. I am however afraid of heights. One days I’ll have to blog about that cause I hate being afraid of anything so I run towards the things I am fraid of rather than run from them. This decision was sort of like that. I am a woman of faith, and I think this may be the first time in my life I have ever stepped out on that faith. Which I think is a little sad for me as a Christian, don’t you think? I’ve always done the safe thing in this sort of thing (jobs and life decisions) the thing that was expected of me, what my parents said do - well at least on the BIG things. This certianly feels like the right thing to do – but in a totally differnt opposite kinda way. It feels the way it feels when I do the things I am afraid of. When I climb trees or sit on rooftops.
I discoverd I am more afraid of not doing this than I was of doing it.
That being said last night I went to the studio and put some gallery warps on the walls. (20×30’s baby! WHOO HOO!) I had a client meeting even though the space isn’t completely complete. The pic is from my blackberry – not the greatest quality I know but you guys get the picture.
I get more and more excited about things everyday as I work on getting things moved in and setting up. My first in studio baby sessionis this weekend – TWINS! how cool is that?!?
And I am about ready to schedule holiday pictures and I am updating the boudoir blog this weekend too. Things are moving! I am excited!
