Category Archives: mostly me

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The Love Before The One

To those who question my sanity, my husband has read and approved this post.
I was talking with a friend about ex’s and then another friend about trips and ex’s and yet somebody else about love and lovers, and thusly this post was born.

I count myself very lucky I have loved and been in love three times. This post is about love number two.

I met him on a Thursday. He was the only guy at the poetry reading wearing a suit. I thought that was odd. Turns out he worked for a law firm, he always came straight from work. When I remember when we met, I remember his smile. It was bright and eager. He was the brother of a friend who I thought the world of. She was not the type to do hook ups, he was not easily deterred. I made her a cheesecake for her birthday, his was the day after. That became his angle, ‘What did he have to do to get his own birthday cheesecake?’ I was young and freshly wounded. I had never really been pursued before. I was

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almost a post almost a meme

I’m the chick that you see rockin out in her car to 80’s music and jill scott. I will dance on tables in bars. I don’t wear a watch but I would like to, I miss my bling - I was really into interesting watches. More like Bracelets with a watch involved in some way.
It has taken me seven months to get my insurance company to cover the birth of my second daughter.
yeah. I’ve had THAT kind of day.
But I was really really nice to the lady on the phone , and she really really worked hard to get it fixed for me. shes the third person I talked to, and the only one who callled back when she said she would and really really tired. So it was easy to not blow my top about the whole thing.

So today I hired a designer for the Pinxit logo,(pronunced \piŋk-sit\) picked out a website to have customized, registered for class, still gotta finish the registration process- and get cleared for online school stuff, I plan to finish the business account setup, get set up to post the pentax to craigslist this weekend or ship it off to be priced to be purchased buy an online retailer. I got some nifty books in the mail, got some cool books to start the refresher process. and excitely its all coming back to me. I talked with the professor who teaches the class I want to take and sent him some samples of my work and he said I did good work but he could definately teach me some things, and that makes me very excited.
I’ve banged out the text for the website - have a few friends looking it over giving me some feed back. Going to work on a business card once I get the logo completed.
there are countless gadgets and things - honestly USEFUL things I need to pick up - most of them however are online purchases, and I hate paying for shipping multiple times from the same place.. Totally sucks.
I need to plan some fun time for cammy and me. I had planned on getting some flowers for hte yard - but we start paying for school - for the both of us - next week and florals are the first thing on the budget chopping block, maybe I’ll get some seeds for us.
Crap I bet that includes my herbs for this year.
Being responsible sucks major.
On a way more fun note.
its a beautiful day outside and I am about to get out in it.

Love ya internets!

that which fills my silence

my ladies
Does Cam just look like a teen ager in this shot? Its not the best picture I ever took but man, all I see hwen I look at that is her thirteen year old self trying to talk me into God Knows who’s concert tickets, and trying to figure out how to get her hair to stand up with out killing the ozone. Welcome back 1985. Sheesh…
This is National Poetry month, and as a poet I feel I must

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No Risk, No Reward

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

No Risk, No Reward
Seize the Day
Go for broke!

these are the things I hear in my head everyday - the voices that I have to quiet, the ones I have to ignore as I make my way to work in the morning.

I have been in a personal quandry for a little while. My husband thinks I am unhappy and he blames himself. My daughter touches my face and tries to make me smile. my family wants me to be bubbly and perky. I have been twisting with the direction my life has taken, the things I have done - decisions I’ve made. I have never been one to wallow in regret. I do however spend a vast amount of time

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Untitled cause you might read this at work…

You know how you walk into a battle you really don’t wanna be in, knowing it is gonna come but praying it doesn’t.You just would rather… not.

Seriously.

Yeah. That was my morning.

I’m writing this at 8:06 a.m., willing God to just make my day go on a up swing from here. I don’t want to argue and be ganged

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everyday is the first day of the rest of my life

I’ve been doing a ton of soul searching in the last few months, and have come to the conclusion that I need to do somethings. I know what I like to do. I love to read, I love to write, I love to cook, and I love being apart of my family. So I am hoping this blog will help me find my way back to being satisfied and content. Because I am restless now, and fidgety, and I don’t like it.

So in order to do this dear internets, I have decided to take up a few challenges, and take a few steeps back to who I was when I was last truly content with my life.

You know… Remembering the things I did that I should probably pick back up,

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The time line of my life and beyond..

Since I’ve got so much time on my hands lately, I’ve made my self write more often, Thus the purpose of this blog, I’m trying to write more poetry but I must wait for that to come so in the mean time this and journal entries to my daughter are gonna have to quench my thirst. I’m also trying to read more often but since I am still in cooperate America reading blatanly would be disrespectful so I look busier if I am reading from a computer screen so I am hunting up poems left and right, reading other blogs, and poet online journals. I work for the phone company and My training for my new position doesn’t start until June 6th so busy work is what this is Turning out to be. Wake up my poet-self and get paid for it, a poets dream. Anyway one of my favorite poets - written and performing is Taylor Mai. If I could steal someone’s career and drive it would be Taylor’s. Maybe just the drive. Anyway I haven’t kept up with his site so I was reading his archives since the last time I saw him, at the NPS nationals here in St. Louis, and he asked the question which now poses as my blog title so here is my answer.

I was born April 11, 1977, I would prefer to die October 30th 2073, on a drive down some tree lined highway. Maybe not as it may freak out my driver, anyway. I will be a hearty 96 1/2. My great grandmother bless her soul is alive currently - despite yearly declarations that she won’t live to see (insert life event here i.e someone’s graduation, wedding, birth of child ect) is still hanging around and living well at 89. So 96 doesn’t seem like that big a leap, plane crashes withstanding. I will marry June 25th of 2005, to a man, Jerry Henderson III, who God willing will out live me. If he has his way we will have three children our daughter Camille who will be a spry 69 when I pass on and her twin brothers Jerry IV and Jarrod, probably around 67. (twins is the only way he’ll get the three kids he’s clamming for. I will receive the teaching degree I have so long lusted after in 2009, and teach honors English to high school seniors. I’ll be the teacher sponsor for slam teams and some other language based activity and try my damnedest to help children find their voice. While working with the kiddies, I’ll work on my masters in poetry and creative writing, work on being published, putting together my novel, and possibly a screenplay. I’ll retire from teaching in 2044 to travel with Jerry full time and hit open mics with the intent to be the oldest person on mic, that night at least, and continue to write. My children will be very successful in what ever they decide to do, my daughter loves to sing and talk so at this point she’ll either be the next Oprah or maybe Kathleen Battel. (did I spell that right) My sons will each cross the gambit, one will be the shortest NBA player to score 60 pts in a game, and he’ll do it regularly, and get his masters in sports management in the offseason. His brother will either be the brain his father would love (engineers or something like that) or the brain that I would love (a writer) he will teach college instead of high school, be published before he’s 16 and like to paint a little for stress relief. He will win the Pulitzer Prize in 2060 and dedicate it to his mother. My grandchildren will love to travel with me when school is out, or perhaps I will stay with them s my grandmother is staying with my child and pass my legacy on directly for as long as I can. What’s the timeline of your life?

The second beginning…..

Truth of the matter is I have no idea what the purpose of this blog is or will be. My pen has been dry for so long I am itching to write with no subject matter at hand at all, I am dying to be near writers, poets, anyone with ink in their blood stream or staining hands, but my sun has set on my time as a poet, anyway that’s how it feels most days. I am so busy being a Mommy (daily diapers and pacifier hunts- but she is so worth it) and a fiance (planning a wedding out of the country - of which the groom simply says ‘I’ll let you talk to Raquita… when asked anything about it) and a daughter (buying her first home from her mommy realtor - self explanatory) and a sister (being supportive during her wedding planning and his life crisis) , and I’m sure I’ve forgotten at least three hats I try to wear instead of just trying to be me. But alas I am aware and this is my first step in trying to regain my footing, regain myself.
I guess I should start from the place I was most happy and introduce myself. I am Raquita, A poet / spokenword artist from St. Louis MO. I was commonly know as Queue. I performed regularly and wrote more than that. I love animals, dogs and ducks particularly, and art of all kinds. I can be rather opinionated and stubborn. I am a procrastinator of the worst kind, I lose things and forget more often than I care to admit, I have let down my friends more times that I care to remember. (My sincerest apologies to anyone I have not had the opportunity to address personally) I am not tall not short not note worthy except for my passion and heart, so most people miss me for what I am. I’m okay with that. Biggest flaw, I can’t spell - figures.
I spend my days knee deep in my child Camille. She is every dream I ever had of motherhood. We talk and laugh and this, our first nine months together has been everything. I am knee deep in wedding plans, and a bit frustrated with the entire industry of wedding bliss. Why? Wedding dress shopping.
I am not small, and have never been. I am of ethnic descents African mostly, Native American cause I combed that great grandmothers hair, so I got what I needed; the hips and ass necessary to be a black woman. And that automatically makes me too big for standard society. I went dress shopping but unless you are a size 8 you can’t buy a dress off rack in the wedding wonder world. Shoot if you are bigger than a twelve - you can almost forget about it. I almost forgot that I was primarily dress shopping because my mother and sister are so gung ho about this part of the wedding process, and started to get really upset about the lack of availability since your average american woman is a size twelve, (which is a size 16 in wedding gowns, who said wedding dresses are good for your ego?) My sister is a size 6, and ever the trooper, she came as my personal mannequin. But no matter what dress I liked they just didn’t come in my size. I’m thick so poof is out, anyway it was snowman looking- no good. All I wanted was a simple A-line silk thingy with minimal stuff on it, that will go all flowy in the breeze since I’m wedding on a beach- is that too much to ask? Clearly the answer to that question is YES, or at least maybe - today anyway. I’ll try asking again and come back to let you know how that goes….