Category Archives: parenting

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two steps back

March 13, 2008 – 9:57 am

I was about to post something about how far we have come as humanity…

then I saw this and as I watched with clenched fists and anger, I deleted the post.

we need to get farther. I have daughters. Girls who will become black women. We need to get farther. We clearly have not come far enough. Potential Presidents be damned,we have not.

This is all I can say with out it turning into a soapbox I don’t particularly want to get on.

Somedays I feel like I harp on race too much, others I don’t feel like I say or do enough. I don’t know what to do.. which way to go.

I’ve deleted paragraphs, over and over again.

I’m sorry I just…can’t unclench my fists to say this properly.

By raquita | Also posted in Cammy, Gabrielle | Comments (1)

Happy Monday

March 10, 2008 – 4:31 pm

So this weekend was a score on so many levels, most particularly Sunday.

Weekend lesson learned: even kids need a date night.

What do you mean Raquita?

Oh dear internets let me explain.

imgp5501Since the introduction of dear Miss Bri, who in the previous post picture was eating a lovely Gnome, she has, by necessity taken Cammys place as the automatic sidekick to mommy. When I have to go somewhere, and I’ll be gone for more than say two hours, Bri typically must come with, as she requires my body for meals. Which means either Cammy must stay with her father or She must share what used to be her one on one

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By raquita | Also posted in Friends, family, funtime | Tagged | Comments (2)

parenting 101

October 30, 2007 – 11:33 pm

to all the moms I know trying

 

this really is everything I could ever say about my parenting

and parents who love - (Dana especially for you)

By raquita | Comments (1)

The first Monday of the rest of my life….

October 29, 2007 – 3:56 pm

And its not so bad…

Ahh my faithful internets.

I am back at work today. And I miss my kid pretty tough.

But she is with my grandmother during the day so all is well. It has been a pretty good weekend and ironically I am not too upset about having to be back here at the jobby job. It’s a necessary evil, and forces me to be back on my game.

I’ve upped my wake up time, to five thirty. I’ve been waking up that early for a few weeks now prepping for the inevitable return to work. So this morning my body would not totally rebel when I tried to prod it up in the darkness of morning.

I woke up and made breakfast for my family, got myself

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By raquita | Also posted in the Jobby job, wifedom | Comments (3)

fear of cloning

February 23, 2007 – 5:55 pm

My biggest fear in parenting is raising a clone.

I am pretty confident about my ability to care for a rasie a kid, and now possibly - god willing - children.

imgp9649 This is the kind of post that lines get erased four or five times. Nothing comes out right. Bear with me people.
I, like most women I know, have some self esteem issues. I look back on my life and see all the wasted opportunities, all the missed chances, missteps, flat out failures. I have been known to second and third guess myself, and even when under the gun and making the decision that has to be made, I wonder if that decision was the right one many times in reflection. I am not afraid to take the buzzer shot, but I question the form of the shot whether I sank it or not. does that make sense?

I say all of this because I watch my kid grow up and I see alot of me in her. This weekend when she really got into the kitchen with me and really wanted to flex her little culinary muscles. I was very proud. cammybaby2She held her first baby last week and she was so excited and ready to care and that is when the fear struck me. How, pray tell could I make sure she doesn’t make the same mistakes I made. How can I make sure shes not like me?
Oh I hear all the insta-responses, everytime I broach this subject with someone I hear all the right things. “Oh she could do so much worse than be like you!” and “Raquita there is nothing wrong with being a nurturer!”

I am aware of this. And i am a - with out sounding too conceited - a pretty darned nifty person. But when I look back on my life I see the glaring missteps as well the things that went pretty good. i know I am a good person but I know I didn’t maximize my potential. So I want to know how I maximize hers. I used to think that this is every parents goal. to give their kid the best opportunity to do their best, but as I watch people parent and see the kids they are raising - it becomes clear that really isn’t the case. I realise that sounds conceited. and its fair to say that i am a tad be cocky. Btu its also obvious. People have said to me “some parents are more concerned with putting food on the table.” That “they would love to be more active parents but their reality simply doesn’t allow it.” and i just think that is bullsh*t.

my mom and i have a solid relationship. Its battered and beat up but it is a big arsed boulder solid. And i remember once when I was really young between eight and ten, she told me once I don’t remember what I said to receive this retort but she said something to the effect of, ” i didn’t live my life for you to chose like i did but for you to choose better.” And she and my father gave us every opportunity to choose better. They gave us every opportunity to grow and see things people we were realted to and kids we went to school with had no idea what the hell we were talking about. I wonder how many times she heard, “you took them kids to do what?!?” Cause I hear it all the time. And every time I do it tells me i am moving in the right direction. so while a clone isn’t the goal - scraping the old Raquita software and coming up with a Cammy version might not be so bad as long as I give her great upgrades.

By raquita | Also posted in Cammy | Comments (4)

Things a Man Should Know: About Fatherhood- via MSN (there are 77 or so)

January 11, 2007 – 8:30 pm

1. Don’t worry, your dad didn’t know what he was doing, either.

2. No, no–not that Spock!

3. Second thought, maybe you should worry.

4. Never tell anybody that you and your wife are “trying.” We really don’t need the visual, that’s why.

5. Never tell anybody where your child was conceived, how long it took, or what song was playing.

6. Do not name your baby after cities, geographical points of interest, features of the solar system, seasons, plants, animals, or current television stars.

7. Your child, at birth, already has a deeply complicated relationship with his mother, and, for the first year, you are only a curiosity. For a couple of years after that, an amusement-park ride. Then, a referee. And finally, a bank.

8. If you want to subject your son to the unkindest cut, insist on a local anesthetic, since many pediatricians don’t bother to use one. The anesthetic is for the kid.

9. Baby gas is lessened with a good nipple connection during feeding, which decreases air intake. Assuring that his lower lip is flipped out, not pursed, helps.

10. There is nothing wrong with thumb-sucking, which helps ease the pain of teething. Nonetheless, it probably ought to stop by kindergarten.

11. Diaper-rash remedy: Expose baby’s hydraulics to the air until dry. Soak baby’s bottom in tepid water with a half cup baking soda. Then, Balmex. Or Lotrimin. Rediaper.

12. You know how they say you’ll get used to diapers? You won’t. Unless you wear them a lot.

13. Forcing children to use toilets will make them dislike toilets. Children begin using toilets when they tire of that not-so-fresh feeling. Of course, this is long, way long, after you tire of it.

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By raquita | Comments (0)

I don’t like the damn meatloaf

January 10, 2007 – 5:57 pm

Cammy is becoming a little person all into her self. the other day upon request that she eat one more bite of meatloaf, her response under her breath - cause she is smarter then the average cookie - was the title of this post.

um…..

Yeah -

and how again you punish your kid when you are CRACKING UP? i’m really gonna have to work on my Cammy poker face.

Things are looking - ahead if not up. Persons of the related persuasion are forcing us to examine our boundaries, figure out what is too much to ask. What is too much to give. Jerry and I differ on levels here but he is doing the best he can and I am doing the best I can - we can meet in the middle I’m sure.

Parenting is hard enough to do, I think, without having to deal with other grown up crap while you do it.

yesterday was get a grip day. I went to lunch with a dear dear dear friend,

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By raquita | Also posted in Friends, family | Comments (2)