get ya groove back stella

So, a few weeks ago Spoken lost her cool with me and proceeded to rip me a new one- between her and my mom I can’t win.  She was mad that I don’t get to see her much. Although I would like to point out she’s the one who works 16 hours a day not me, and my life had made this change before I met Spoken…I was already firmly far from party chick, and solidly mommy by then. I had stopped doing poetry promotions and featuring at poetry spots at least a year before I met Spoken, for reasons that deserve its own post. Me and open mics have a love/hate relationship. And at somepoint I had just walked away. I still write on occasion. Although I wish I wrote more, I do still write. They say that celibacy is the best fuel for erotic writers. I can vouch for that. Clearly the two children In my home prove I must get laid – so I have to blame my husband for my drought of writing.

But that is neither here nor there, or maybe it is. I, while I am not as unbalanced as some, I have never been able to balance Poet Queue, with Raquita, with mom.

Granted I never really, really tried before now. Why? I wonder Why all the time internets.

Cause I really like being the mom. I really like being the wife. I do. But I also like being Queue. I liked the way my husband looks at me when I’m Queue. Its like the difference in watching Lois Lane talk to Cark Kent and then watching her talk to Superman.

When I stop and look back on the last six years I wonder if the change was when I became a mom or if it was before that. And I think it probably was. Jerry is a homebody mostly. He could take or leave going out, at least the going out with my artsy friends. To be fair, he stopped going out with the fellas too. Honestly I don’t think either of us really saw what happened. How wrapped up in each other we really were, until we blinked and looked up and we were like, “Don’t we know other people? Don’t we miss seeing people taller than three feet?”

So I gave Spoken my word I would go out at least once a month, with her – in my head I said once a month with her and once a month with Jerry, and maybe once a month with my Mom, Granny and or Aunt.

So Wed night after fighting to get past a vomiting child, a hungry infant, and a man and his friends, I finally got out of the door at quarter to eleven, to go to hang out and listen to a friend spin.

And can I just say, OH.MY. GOD. He’s good at what he does. And I miss what he does so bad. So I had a drink. And I got my groove on and I saw people I haven’t seen in YEARS people. Chris Burch – awesome artist, and wonderful young man. Perfect good time guy, and has a wicked Mohawk. Cheraz, my whole poetry heart is wrapped up in her. I love her like few friends I’ve ever had. She’s one of those friends who you can not see and as soon as you see them its like no time has passed, but you realize how much you missed them as soon as you leave them again? And Jingo, and Lamar, Maury, Blue, and SKYEBlu, and so many others (Hi Curtis!) I ran into people who only knew me from poetry. I heard “Hey! You’re that poet!!”  At least half a dozen times. And I got to dance. Like break a sweat, for real shake it dance. And it felt good.And I missed it but I got home at quarter of two and fed Bria and then turned around and got up at five something to be at work at eight and take the girls to their respective days and I remember WHY I don’t club like that anymore.  

I am offical old if to be young you have to be able to bounce back from a night out and go to work with in five hours. I remember a time when I would have just gone for breakfast then took a nap in the parking lot of my job and went to work perky after a night like Wednesday.  Then – like a genius I agreed to meet up with a friend from LA for dinner (I just cooked) and fell asleep on her when I put Bria to sleep. (So sorry about that- Cause I know you read this sometime)

I am so not the young sprite I used to be.

I figure there is some balance in there somewhere, and I bet I will find it. At least now I am looking for it.