The first time I had to do a purge of a friend was years ago in high school. She was my best friend and she had begun acting strange – her boyfriend and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, how to fix her. I loved them both. Turns out it was drugs – or so said her other friend, they were according to her, doing them together, and all the pieces fit, and when I talked to her about it she said she was a big girl and could handle it. It was the last time for a while that I hung out hard core with her.
I hated that. That I didn’t get to keep my friend, they way we had been before.
But the thing about that is that it was easier when there is a physical thing causing the change. What to do when the person is just emotionally TOXIC?
And what it worse, all of these people who have toxic tendencies are now making me feel toxic. and this isn’t me. I’m a positive person. I like life, and music and living. I don’t care too much if the bills are piling up, and the house is a disater.
Okay – I care I just can’t let it stop my flow. And I feel like my flow is interrupted.
So what have I been doing lately – trying to avoid the negative people. People who whine and complain and try to out do your bad day.
There is this person who has recently come into my world, via a relative. She is really very sweet. She did a few things that she really didn’t have to do, and I was – am – very greatful. but she curses like a sailor, while I am trying to quit. And her parenting is less than stellar. Parents who use the I’m telling your other parent thing annoy the poo out of me. and she truly is a glass half empty kind of person. Not that her issues are real, they are, but I have always been of the mind set that you have to charge in to what ever the issue is , not sit back and freak out cause you got the issue in the first place.
So I have begun that slippery slope of disengagement. Ignoring a phone call or two, slow call backs. Empty halves of conversations. And while sometimes I feel bad – mostly I feel like I am preserving my happiness for my husband and kids, who need me to be the mom I want to be.
any body else had to deal with this?
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Oh girl I have had so many friend issues…okay, really just three that I can think of. But it’s enough to make ones heart hurt.
You’re doing the right thing. I’ve had to question my actions of disengaging with friends due to similar reasons and even though I feel guilty at times, I know I did the right thing because it is less stress in my life and I’m ultimately a happier person and a better wife to my husband. It’s so hard to find good friends.
Girl, get out of my head! I have a dear friend who I’m seriously considering letting go. Every time I talk to her, it is drama – some of it self created, some just life’s happenings. And she’s always sick and/or hurting. And God has told her this is the man for her – again (I keep telling her that God is NOT sending her these married, but separated men!) Anyway, I don’t want to seem unkind, but I’m tired of it. So I’m considering a temporary communication cutback with her. I don’t want her out of my life, and I know that life throws curve balls our way and that everyone has hard times and needs to talk, but for my own peace of mind, I’m thinking we may need to separate for a while.
Yes, Yes. I am starting to think we may have the same friend! I have realized I had to do that for my own sanity as well. Especially when the last time she spent time at my house, her negativity being directed to one of my children…instead of just her own (as usual).
She is a truly good-hearted, give-you-the-shirt-off-her-back kind of person. But a bad string of luck with jobs and a man (of course), totally turned her into a poisonous and toxic person. I hung around very closely for over a year, but some months ago couldn’t take it anymore. It was just way too toxic. But one one of the last conversations we had sounded a lot more positive…so hopefully I can move closer again.