I don’t sleep a whole lot lately, or it doesn’t feel like much sleep. Mostly I get caught – knocked on my arse really, more of a back hand by the Sandman when taking Bri up to her bed at night, or cuddling with Cammy. Jerry and I spend countless nights on the opposite end of the house both elbow deep in computere screens, then one of us usually giving up before the other and slinking off to bed alone. Lately I have been the one going to say hey I’m going up to bed only to find his chair empty, lights off, doors locked. It always throws me when hes not where I expect him to be.
I know what it is to miss someone who is thrity feet away.
I climb into bed, my mind still working on what ever I just left, that last session, the next picture. Trying to turn it all off yet still thinking about the next thing, the next step and it never takes long before my mind slips into the ‘what the heybob are you doing’ stage of my night, and I spend the next little while verbally sparring with myself.
Then, usually, Jerry reaches his arm out in his sleep and pulls me across what moments ago might as well been a hundred miles of bedsheets and becomes my comforter. It always surprises me, I don’t know why. I can sit here and tell you that it happens more often than not, I should know it is coming. Just like I know he loves me. Just like I know misses me too.
But I never do and every time it happens it always causes this happy little gurgle in my belly that throws a litlle jerry filled pebble into the pond of stuff I bring to bed with me, giving me the room to find the peace I need for sleep.
* I realise that this too isn’t my post about Bri’s birthday – its coming people I swear.