Mom vs. Dad

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 Jerry and I are slowly coming into our parenting roles. Granted our child is fast approaching her third birthday. However I think our parenting styles have morphed into what I expect to be a holding pattern for a little while. Minor tweaks withstanding. I was reading on another blog how one dad was reflecting on the difference between his parenting style and his wife’s parenting style. The differences were humorous to say the least. Jerry and I are vastly different in basic stereotypical mommy daddy ways. Jerry is not really one for doing the hair. In her whole life I think I can count on one hand the number of times he’s actually washed, dried, combed and styled her hair. Me we sit down and do the hair from scratch two or three days a week, just refreshing ponytails on the odd days. That used to fall squarely on my grandmother who came to our house to sit with Cammy while we worked, and typically handled bath time, hair, breakfast, lunch, laundry minor house hold cleaning and sometimes dinner for the munchkin – which is fodder for another post coming soon. Now with Cammy in school, most of the week, most of these items have shifted to me. Not that I mind at all. I like spending the time with Cammy during bath time and making sure her laundry gets done with her out growing EVERYTHING is more a necessity than a chore. But basic actions aside, Jerry and I are fundamentally different parents. For instance, Jerry is much harsher than I am. I talk to Cammy the way I talk to every one, she and I have discussions, I ask her opinion, when she’s on the edge of trouble I give her two choices, you know, like “Cammy, either come over here with me or go sit in your room.” Jerry is way more – Daddy said that’s why. They don’t exactly exist in a democracy, she doesn’t with me either per say, but in Daddy’s world there is no mistaking it. Neither of us are big on physical punishment, Cammy doesn’t normally require anything more than a stern voice or your disappointment voiced. “Cammy, mommy is upset with you right now.” Gets us a lot further than any spanking. She’s just not that kid. When we were pregnant I thought I was gonna be the harsher parent – how wrong I was. I am the wuss about binkies, and before dinner popcorn. Jerry is the stickler for bed time routines and bed times in general. And one would think I would be the more fun parent, I really don’t think that is the case. Daddy is the human jungle gym. Daddy does the bike riding and the outside stuff. Daddy does the silly dances and the music time. Daddy play guitar and piano. Daddy is great. Her daddy is so good, he makes me miss my daddy. Mommy handles the girly stuff, tea parties, and imaginary stuff. We cook together, she helps me with the cleaning. We do the field trips together. I think we got a good balance. But I see so much of my parents in the both of us, that it makes me a bit nervous. My parents filed for divorce a few weeks back, they’ve been separated for several years like five or six I think, and been through 29 years of marriage total. People have told me that Jerry and I remind them of my parents younger selves. I’ve always been told I embody my mother on many levels. So it makes me nervous, who we are. If we are so much like them how will we be able to do what was impossible before? I always wonder if twenty plus years together can’t help you get past what ever obstacle what hope does marriage hold? What hope does my marriage hold? But I wake up with him, and know. I find myself holding on to the differences between us and my parents, in our couple, and in our parenting. And know that those differences build us a solid foundation. That what can be hurdles for some can be building blocks for us, no matter how different we are today or will be tomorrow.