**NEWSFLASH**
I’m a black, african american, mom.
You can all breathe a sigh of relief to know that, and I feel so much lighter now that we’ve got that out in the open.
My race typically doesn’t come up much in blogging, cause normally as a mom blogger spit up knows no race. And when I do have issues that I beleive are closer to prickin my skin cause of my race – they typically have very little to do directly with benig a mom. However, in the realm of blogs that I read I do admit to getting giddy when I find african american moms online blogging who I can relate to. I have run into a few that are – um – scary, but I have also run into some who I wish I lived in the same city with. Today I ran into the latter. I read an entry on the anti racist parent blog about breat feeding and it got me to thinking. How different is it really to parent across race?
Is it any different than parenting across class lines? I have had interactions with parents who I know think the choices I make for my child are frivilous. As a active educated parent of an african american child I feel often lost in a void where I’m deemed uppity or acting white by some african american parents I run into and try to foster relationships, and then find my self completely disreguarded by white moms. I hear all the time how they “just didn’t think to call’ and invite my girl to play. We simply don’t register. And in the cases we do register we have to deal with racial issues and the giant gaping differences in parenting that show them selves occasionaly.
I often wonder in raising a child who is proud of her race and heritage do we have to distance ourselves from certian aspects of sterotypical blackness, and if we chose not to how do you make sure they understand while these aspects do exist they are not acceptable for our household, with out making them feel that their existance detracts from who we are as a people?
In the article about breast feeding it is mentioned that alot of black mothers apparently feel that formula feeding is more acceptiable because it demonstrates that you can afford to purchase the product to take care of your child. Which I think is ARSED BACKWARDS. I had hoped that black america had come away from the need to materialistically prove parenting skills at least on the most basic levels.
but this is begining to rant so I’m moving on to the next news flash.
**NEWSFLASH** Isaiah Washington. i don’t care anymore. You have burned me out. Its over, If I never see Dr. burke again i’ll be alright. GHEESH! Its apparently everybodys fault you got caught saying something stoopid at the wrong time in history. GET OVER IT.
***NEWSFLASH**
My friend likes me. Thanks Spoken for bringing me lunch today.
just a moment of baby cuteness to big girl cuteness to leave you with
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LOL! My family (in-laws) are ALREADY teasing my daughter (she’s 2) because she “talks proper.” They tease me because she is not allowed to drink Kool-Aid, they can’t believe I’m putting her in “that” preschool, etc. etc.
I think it’s just another issue that we as parents have to deal with. My goal is to raise a happy, healthy, self-aware child – and I’m doing that the best way I know how. Some people (mainly my parents and husband) agree with my choices, and others don’t. I can’t worry about the naysayers too much – after all, they think I’m spending too much on preschool, and I think they’re spending too much outfitting their children in $70 and $80 namebrand clothes they’ll soon outgrow. I digress . . .
I plan on telling my daughter the same thing my parents told me – “we are responsible for raising you, and this is how things operate in our home. Others do things differently – not right or wrong, just differently.” (unless of course, it really is wrong!)
Sorry for being a comment hog . . .
Raquita,
I fear we still have a looong way to go regarding race in this world. And with the current goings on of the world, it seems we’re only adding groups of people to the list of stereotypes. If only the list would disappear altogether. That said, as much as I love living in St. Louis, we are not the best at racial integration. Or religious integration, for that matter. That those mothers “forget to invite” your daughter to play dates breaks my heart. That black mothers think you’re “acting white” also breaks my heart. When are we going to get to the point where we can see you as you are: as an African American who is a wife, mother, and educated woman?
Dude, anyone who could forget Cammy is on my Idiot List.
That girl is going to be World President someday. And hopefully she’ll let Isaac be the Minister of Literature or something.
I think the hesitancy to breastfeed and other parenting techniques might also be related to the fact that most black mothers work , out of necessity. Many black mothers, despite the gains in college education, work lower tier jobs that aren’t as willing to bend rules to allow them to breastfeed or pump their milk. Many black mothers can only take the maternity leave allotted by their job, if they are lucky enough to work for employers that are amicable to this decision.
Add in the general discomfort with their bodies and sexuality that many black women and others have with the black female’s body. I have heard breastfeeding mom’s considered pervs, not getting enough sex from the dad, and all sorts of cockamamie theories as to why people breastfeed.
All in all, I think more than materialism gets in the way of black women breastfeeding. But materialism is a pat answer that once again puts the black mother in a bad light or make those that breastfed feel like better mothers as opposed to digging a little deeper for broader causes that might leave us sympathetic to the mother.
I disagree with you ~~~~. I know black women across the board – from those who are well off financially to those who are decidedly – not, and most of those women – the vast majority of them have no physical hangups outside of concern with getting back to their pre pregnancy look and weight (which I believe is an across the board mom thing – not a race thing) and don’t tend to sexualize breast feeding. Which there are generational falsehoods passed down that affect the way alot of women feel about breast feeding, when the majority of women I talk to say they don’t breast feed so they can get back to their pre pregnancy weight faster, or they don’t want to bother with teh mess and hassle of it, or they just don’t want to – I tend to personally lump those things into more materialistic and shallow reasoning.
I am all for digging deeper to get to the root cause but sometimes whats on the surface is there for a reason. Cause it is what it is. And addressing the surface sometimes enough – not all of the time mind you – but sometimes it is. Perhaps the goal should be to be sympathetic to all mothers regardless of the choices they make, and perhaps to educate them to give them the option to make better choices – whether they do so in the future or not. .
I get what you are saying but not breastfeeding in order to get to prepregnancy weight is actually backwards as breastfeeding helps with the weight loss.
The rason I brought up the points I did is that in many debates both in black circles and outside black circles the materialistic answer is considered the best one and is the one used to prove that yet again black women are too materialistic and selfish to think about their baby’s health (I generally hear this from lactivists and nonblacks).
I guess because I know women who would breastfeed but can’t because of their jobs or hangups from all the things they have heard about breastfeeding women. As well as, lack of knowledge like you mentioned.
I guess part of why I prefer to look deeper is because I used to work in social services where a black mother and white mother might not breastfeed, might make their children watch too much tv, etc. and the black mother was the one always considered neglectful and as having shoddy parenting skills whereas the white mother got the benefit of the doubt.
I agree totally with the idea that too many people dismiss black mothers for what amounts to wack arsed one sided logic (materialism). I have heard the tales of lactivists shunnings and the like – and I have myself personally felt that my breastfeeding was made more difficult by my job – however I know that many of my coworkers (of several different races including African American, Asian, and Caucasian and a few management persons) who ran into similar issues . But the jist of it is for me at least was, that the difficulty didn’t make it impossible and the harder I had to push to do it, the more determined I was to make it happen. Because I beleive in the right to do the best for my child, and I know how much better it is for them.
Also knowing that the facts that are given for justifying why not are arsed backwards doesn’t make it any easier to fight against.
I can appreciate your reasons for wanting to look deeper – I just tend to want people to expect more from themselves and ourselves. The benefit of the doubt is great and all, but most of the time – I don’t want it. I typically have a reason for my choices in parenting and if someone wants to test me on them – by all means bring it. I am prepared to explain if I am feelin froggy.
you know – you don’t have to be ~~~~~, I like the dialog and would love to know who I am talking to…