On a few different occasions my aunt has told me that I remind her alot of my mother before life “happened”.
Actually before I begin this post, let me remind you that most of my family reads this blog. My dad, my mom, my sister, an aunt, my brother, my husband, lots of folks read this thing. I am aware. and I try very hard to keep that from being a censor of what I write, while being respectful of the information I talk about especially when it involves the people in the previous sentence.
what is the cost of respect? Does it have a monetary value?
In 2001, I ended a long term relationship. It was mean and ugly. I spent quite a bit of time fighting to hold that relationship together and then magically one day I was simply done. Nothing he could say could change my mind. he didn’t care when my dog died, the irony of that being the straw that broke the camels back.I was finished. He was, much to my dismay not. And in what now I look back as an attempt to guilt me into changing my mind he began to bring up ever promise I ever made that was not kept, every thing I ever said I would do then could not. The laptop I said he could have for his birthday, the comics I promised to buy, everything. So I did what I felt I had to do to remain sane.
I bought my freedom.
I bought him the laptop. purchased the comics, and gave him cash to leave. Bought the video games imported from japan, the whole debackle cost me roughly eight hundred bucks. I worked two eighty hour weeks to get enough money to get him to go away. I stayed with my parents for a few days while he got his stuff from my apartment, and I didn’t care about the things that left with him that probably shouldn’t have.
And I remember feeling like it was the best money I ever spent. I felt like a fool for buying someone off like that but in the end, I felt free and light. I never told anybody what I did to get out of that relationship until recently.
My parents divorce was made final yesterday. I’m sure I mentioned that my parents were finally completing the legal process of actually divorcing. Both my father and my husband asked that I not chose sides and I remain on the side lines during what we all expected to be an epic battle of wills. So I chose the side of the law. I wanted them to follow the letter of the law and walk away. But we all know, no ever beleives the law is fair on both sides. I am not saddened now because my parents marriage is over. I am saddened because the behavior shown was so inane and unexpected. Alas this was quicker than expected. There was nothing epic about the battle. At least not in the way we expected. And now we can wash our hands and figure out how to be the family with the divorced parents.
I have discovered that I am a daddy’s girl, but I am also my mothers daughter.
I want my mom to know that its really okay with me that I am just like her. I don’t view my choices as trying to not end up ”just like my mom” which is every womans worst nightmare, for basic reasons. But I view my choices as trying to choose the best that I can – which is the most like her thing that I can remember. What is the point of trying to learn the lessons of your life if I don’t use those lessons to build on?
I want my father to know that understanding why you feel the way you feel does not mean that I agree. And not agreeing does not change the fact that you are my father and I love you as much as any man on the planet.
now I must go throw up.
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Freedom is priceless.
I remember when all that was going on back in 01.. . It doesn’t matter how you obtained your Freedom… all that matters is you became Free.
[...] I offer no apologies about that. My mother has stated my father may not have been the best husband but he was a good father to us, and I totally agree. In my childhood – which I admit was longer than average, my father could do very little wrong. Still can’t if I am honest with myself. Now as an adult and looking at my father as a man I can see his imperfections and they don’t affect my love for him. Even in decisions I disagree with I can typically see my fathers reasoning, and understand. With my parents divorce I was honest about my disapointment in the decisions that were made – and was able to move on easily. I don’t see my father nearly as much as I would like, that fault lies evenly between us. I hoped for a son so perhaps I would see him more often the way I knew a daughter would bridge the space between my mother and I. When I was house hunting the house around the corner from his was so attractive because it was close to my daddys house, and my sisters. [...]