Today I remember

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I woke at 5 am slipped from under his arm and took the elevator to the main floor.
No one was awake but me and several of the locals working the early shift at the hotel. We’d been there a few days, I knew several by name, they stopped and smiled. Gave hearty greetings, asked if I was ready for the day. My smile was easy and my affirmative answer made a few guys laugh and note the nerves I wore and the fact that it was five in the morning. I brushed them off and headed to the beach to watch the sun make its accent into the sky, it was important to me to watch the day begin on what would actually be my wedding day.
So I did.
I sat in a hammock on the edge of a beach and watched the sun slide gracefully across the sky. I stayed there for a long time, and I prayed for a while, just talked to God for a while, let the waves kiss my toes and headed back.
In preparing myself mentally for being married, it was important to me that the wedding not be a large factor. For me – the goal was to be married to the right person. Marriage isn’t weddings and anniversaries, its not about the big things that mark your marriage, when you bought your house, when you had your childeren. Yes, those are all wonderful moments but for me its trips to the grocery store, and car pooling. Its picking up the kids – when you have them, and cutting grass, and making dinner.
Marriage is all the little things that happen between the big things. Its waking up everyday and saying I am in this with you. and I spent alot of time that morning ensuring I’d remember that before I went to put on my dress and sparkly shoes.

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I ate breakfast alone at first then random members of my wedding party started popping up, I remember seeing my aunt and uncle. I remember passing my dad as he went towards the beach. I remember hiding around a corner avoiding Jerry. I remember heading up to my moms room to get ready, my mom fussing over the details. I remember my sister putting on her dress. I remember my dad coming to get me to walk me down.

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I remember asking him if he objected I needed to know, if he thought Jerry wasn’t the right man I needed to know now. He told me he would have said so before the plane, Jerry was the one.
I know what song they played, I know it cause I picked it out, I know I chatted with my dad and my mom before we made it down to the ceremony site, but I don’t remember any thing I said, I don’t remember the sound of the song, I only remember seeing Jerry and my family on a cliff near the beach as I walked with my dad to marry my best friend.

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And today I remember as much as I can. I can close my eyes and remember the sand, the taste of the air. His face, his smile. His voice when he said his vows, how easy it was to say I do.
Now three years later as we fight against the world to make the right choices for our childeren and each other, we push to live our dreams, I can stop easy and know that I would make the same choice again on that beach with ease and know that he has always been the man I am supposed to partner on this path I have been chosen to walk.

Jerry, you honor me everyday that you wake up and smile at me. When you pull me close I instantly feel safe, wanted and loved. I love how you care, that you care. You have grown into everything I never knew I always wanted, and everything I always said I wanted in a husband and father to my childeren.
Thank you for choosing to walk with me, for carrying me when I fall, for loving me through it all. I strive everyday to be for you everything you are to me.

Happy anniversary Cubby